


Keep Away

by pseudocitrus



Category: Tokyo Ghoul, Tokyo Ghoul:re
Genre: Ayahina Week, F/M, Fluff, Gap Filler, Mild Sexual Content, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-03-15 17:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3455834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudocitrus/pseuds/pseudocitrus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Non-linear oneshots about Aogiri's youngest "stray dogs." Takes place sometime between TG and TG:re.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Keep Away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Butter_Scotch36](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butter_Scotch36/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinami gets a new mask to improve her hearing ability, and tests it out with Ayato.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> done for [fattanionsama](http://fattanionsama.tumblr.com/)'s prompt: "Do you think you could write one where Ayato and Hinami train together??"

Hinami has twice the kagune of everyone else and it would probably be intimidating if anyone could manage to get close to her in the first place.

Ayato tries again, without boots, stepping lightly and gripping his breath. He passes the radius at which he’s usually caught, and quickens, and lunges — only to drop to a stumbling halt when Hinami turns and gives him an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, Ayato.”

Perched on some nearby boxes, Eto claps and laughs. Ayato releases his breath in a huff.

“You didn’t need to lead me on,” he mutters. Hinami wrings her hands together, and Eto perks.

“Ah! She didn’t. You really almost got her.” Eto’s finger waggles back and forth, and then taps her chin, thoughtfully. The next day, when they return from reconnaissance, Eto presents Hinami with a new mask. Hinami slips it over her hair, but no matter how she adjusts it, she can’t stop it from covering her eyes.

“Exactly,” Eto says, and Hinami’s hands drop to her sides.

She turns her head toward Ayato, and Ayato frowns at Eto, and Eto smiles, probably, from beneath her wrappings.

“Let’s just give it a try.”

Hinami trips and stumbles into walls, but by the next day she isn’t clutching Ayato’s arm so hard for balance. By the next week, Ayato can barely get a sight on her before she can raise a hand and point at him.

“Perfect,” Eto laughs, and even Hinami smiles with some rare delight, and after seeing _that_ , Ayato snorts and turns away, rubbing his warming cheeks with a sleeve. Eto’s eyes flicker.

“Maybe you could use a new mask too, Ayato,” she says, and just laughs again when he shrugs.

Eto leaves them then, and he has a feeling that she knows exactly how relieved he is about it. He and Hinami make it back to HQ together, and though traffic is usually sparse at this hour, the place seems more deserted than usual.

Hinami is still wearing the mask.

“Hina, you know we’re in a safe place now, right?” Ayato asks dryly. “You can remove it.”

Her cheek reddens a bit. “I like it,” she admits. “I can hear everything. For example, I can tell we’re in a hallway right now. And, I know that nobody’s around.”

He stops. She does too. He stares at her, and she must be able to tell, because that scarlet color begins seeping to her other cheek.

He leans toward her, and, just for effect, whispers.

“Eto’s ‘keep-away’ training is boring, isn’t it. You’re way too good at it already. There’s no way anyone can get near you unless you want them to.”

Hina licks her lips and swallows. “That’s right,” she agrees.

He steps closer.

“Training used to be more fun when it involved contact, didn’t it?” he continues, and Hina chuckles softly.

“I don’t know about _that_ ,” she says, and his mouth presses into a thin line, knowing she’s thinking of all the awkward wrestling and blushing that came before they could, as Eto put it, get over themselves.

 _This is war,_ she’d told them, with some rare irritation. _Do you want to become a weapon that they can use to kill the ones you love? Or do you want to fight and live?_

That Hinami’s face is turning sideways and down tells Ayato that her thoughts have gone the same way as his, and he places his hand beneath her chin to lift it up again.

“Tag,” he says. “Finally.”

Hina smiles faintly.

“Well,” she says, “you know what we agreed,” and she can’t see him, so he doesn’t nod, just presses her back against the wall. He traces her smile with his thumb and then kisses her, gently, just the barest contact at first, until her mouth drops open and her tongue presses against his with a sigh.

As usual, he feels a heat shudder down his spine, and his hands raise to either side of her face as he continues kissing her, nibbling at her lower lip, and the bone of her cheek, and then those ears of hers, because he knows his tongue on the lobe of those can make her knees buckle.

He hesitates, and she feels it.

“No one’s coming,” she tells him, in a gasp. “No one’s around at all.”

“Good to know,” he murmurs, unbuttoning her shirt. “Maybe now you can let me listen to you for a while.”


	2. Cat's Cradle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Ayato and Hinami get close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for ayahina week on tumblr! the day 1 prompt is "firsts."
> 
> hope you’re having a good day~

It’s so easy. Their ages are so close, their situations too similar. Between training and errands they chat about their lost parents and their lost sister and everything else they lost that they never even had in the first place: secure homes, after-school clubs, even those playgrounds where human parents would push their children on swings for what felt like hundreds of idyllic hours.

The seasons pass, and one week the simple grip and brush of their hands during training has a certain heat, a certain tension. Some part of him is furious about it because the last thing he wants is to fulfill the teasing that has been pestering both of them for years, ever since Hina joined.

_Look, the two stray dogs are feeling some puppy love!_

He had always blown up and fumed and snarled his protests and Hina had always just smiled silently.

“What are you _doing_?” he’d hissed at her. “Deny it!”

Hinami blinked. “Why?”

For a second he’d felt like she had shoved him off a building. But then she’d said, “Ayato-kun, as long as you’re quiet, they’ll get bored and leave you alone.”

She’s right. Once he cools it, everyone else does, too. Mostly.

“‘Hina’ has really calmed you down, hasn’t she,” Eto laughs, and glaring wordlessly doesn’t quite work when he can’t even see her eyes.

:::

But Eto can’t be stopped from doing anything anyway.

So.

As long as they are quiet.

One day when Ayato asks for her support on an intelligence errand, Hina tilts her head at him, and stares hard, and then nods. They wrap up their tasks with absurd quickness and check their surroundings and head back discreetly, which is easy in the rain. The current HQ is in a partially-built apartment complex whose construction is stopped for stupid human reasons that are beyond him, and they find and enter a room that has a door with a lock on it. The unfinished floor creaks beneath his boots, and he tugs his mask down to rest on his chest. He stuffs his hands into his pockets, and pretends that he is examining the place and not just pacing nervously.

“Can you hear anything?” Ayato asks, trying to sound casual. Hinami takes off her mask and hood and shakes them, scattering droplets.

“Just the rain,” she says. “And your heart.”

“My what?”

“Your…um. Heart.” Her smile widens with apprehension. “It’s — it’s actually kind of loud. It’s going really fast.”

“That’s creepy,” he tells her, frowning and rubbing his knuckles at the skin on his chest. “That’s really, really creepy, Hina.”

Hina just folds up her cape and drapes it over her arm.

“Sorry,” she says. “You know, mine is…um, it’s going pretty fast too. You want to hear?”

She sets her mask aside on the ground, and spreads her cape out over its dust, and then sits and holds out her arms. Ayato approaches and kneels and — sort of — lets her — wrap her arms around him. His palms flatten on the floor as she guides his head towards her. Her breast gives beneath his ear and it’s really soft and he swallows and he can’t tell if the pounding in his ears is her blood or his.

He straightens. His arms are propped on either side of her now. Their bodies are so close.

“You’ve never…right?” he asks, in a mumble.

“No,” she whispers back. “Never. So, don’t worry, Ayato-kun. I won’t be able to tell if you mess up.”

“Who says I’m going to mess up?” he hisses, and Hina cups a hand over her laugh. Fuck. He’s too easy. Even Hina can take advantage of him. Even she can — set her hands on his cheeks — and gently — gently —

Their lips are taut at first contact, at the first brief little peck, and they let their breath burst out simultaneously and then flush and look away from each other.

“Let’s try a little softer,” Hina says, and Ayato nods, and shuts his eyes as she does too. He tries to keep his mouth relaxed, but this time, they miss — he lands on something firm and feels her eyelashes flutter. The side of her nose, he sees.

He brushes his dusty hand off on his clothing and crooks a finger beneath her chin for the third attempt. He tips her so that their lips meet, a caress from corner to corner, and this time he feels like he’s swallowed something small and wriggling and molten, something that drops like a stone to his stomach. They release the breath they’ve been holding and suck it back in and she tilts her head the other way to kiss him and it’s easier, this time, and the next time, and the next.

:::

He was responsible for helping her learn how to defend herself and navigate Aogiri’s politics, and she looks so shy and puckered up all the time that he assumes it’s his responsibility to lead her through this too.

The truth, though, is that they’re both inexperienced, and she, at least, has read books with relevant content. She clears her throat.

“What…about…your tongue.”

“What about it?”

“Try using it,“ Hina tells him, and he swallows. He slips his tongue obligingly into her mouth, smoothing it against hers. He runs it across her teeth and the roof of her mouth and over each lip until she begins to giggle helplessly, and then he holds her down and continues licking her ticklish neck until both of them are gasping laughter.

They blush and wince and sigh their way from clumsiness to something approximating expertise. In the absence of anyone teaching them they can at least be good for each other — or, in Hina’s case, _really_ good. He tries to keep composed as she explores and feels her way around him but his shudders and gasps give away every secret. The sensitivity of the trembly stretch beneath his chin — the flaring white he sees when she sucks at his neck — the way he’s rendered helpless when she digs her nails into his hair or shoulder blades.

Her weak spot is her spine, which arches fitfully against his mouth and is soon covered with easily-hidden kiss marks. She always trembles, too, when he nibbles the lobes of her ears, but he doesn’t do it often. HQ isn’t always conveniently comprised of empty, lockable rooms. Sometimes all they have is the back wall of a building, or a vacant corridor, or a large shadow — and he doesn’t want to impair her hearing.

“We’re fucked if anyone finds out,” he reminds her.

“No one’s around.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” Hina tells him, “Ayato, I’m sure, I’m _sure_ ,” and trusting her is just as new as the suffocating softness of her bare skin in his palms. Savoring instead of consuming is unfamiliar, but somehow just as nourishing. The more shadows they find the easier things get, until she doesn’t need to reassure him anymore. His world narrows to the warm planes and curves of her, and she barely needs to say anything at all. Even her gasped instructions become incoherencies that she muffles by biting his shoulder as he reaches beneath her clothing, or, when he gets the muscle for it, holds her up against a wall.

:::

One day, while searching for a new location for HQ, they find a vacant old school whose fences are wrapped in yellow tape. They leap it easily, and examine the premises, searching casually for the infirmary and giving up when it turns out it's infested with spiders and roaches. They pass by a window, and Ayato stops walking when Hina does. He follows her gaze and then snorts. They make their way outside.

The playground has only one swing left, and she checks its chains.

“I think it’s still okay,” Hinami says. Her fingers come away covered in rust and Ayato removes his scarf and wipes it off for her, and then wipes off the grime and mildew from the seat as well.

“Okay,” he says. “Sit. I’ll push you.”

She smiles and the swing screeches horribly and scatters more peeling metal but she seems to have fun swinging anyway. They take turns until the swing makes a particularly harsh screech, and Ayato jumps off just as the seat snaps from its chain.

They finish their inspection of the campus, and then Hina turns back to him.

“Okay,” she says. “I think this place could be a pretty good home for a while. What do you think?”

He shrugs. “It’s alright.”

It doesn’t really matter. Nowadays they all sort of feel like home.


	3. Jinx

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aogiri's newest member keeps following Ayato around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for ayahina week day 2! the prompt is "team."
> 
> hope you’re having a good day~

Ghouls are laughing at him everywhere he goes. He does his best to ignore it, but when one of the Bin brothers lets out an audible chortle, it’s the last straw. He whirls around, scarf whipping against his back.

_“Stop!_ ” he roars, and the girl is so startled that she actually jumps. Ayato storms toward her and she steps backward and trips on the edge of the over-large cape Eto gave her. She falls on her butt and actually cringes when Ayato stands over her.

“ _Stop. Fucking. Following me.”_

“S-sorry,” she stammers, and — oh no, there she fucking goes again, there are the tears.

He reaches down and grabs her hands and yanks her to her feet.

“Quit sobbing,” he hisses. “You know what’s going to happen if other ghouls see that shit here?”

“N-no —”

“Well, they’ll eat you. They’ll eat you  _alive_.”

She actually looks horrified. “But — but I’m a ghoul too.”

“So? It doesn’t matter. This isn’t fantasy caféland anymore, okay? This is reality. Anyone who isn’t strong is  _food_.”

She has the decency to nod briskly and wipe her eyes. But then she says, “Okay, Ayato-kun. Thank you,” and Ayato shakes her.

_“No!_  There’s nothing to thank! It’s just common sense! I don’t care about whatever relationship you had with Aneki, I am  _not_  your friend. Got it?”

“Yeah,” she says, swallowing hard. “Yes. Sorry. Thank you.”

He sighs and gives up.

:::

She stops shadowing him, and the laughing stops, though the leers don’t. He doesn’t see her at all for the next few days, and he starts evaluating passerby at HQ to see if they look a little chubbier than usual, or a little more smug. Maybe she was eaten after all.

_I knew it,_  he thinks to himself,  _good thing I didn’t bother_  — but when he hunts down dinner and goes up to his favorite spot to eat it, he trips over a pile of trash that turns out to be her. He’s shocked and immediately furious that he was caught off guard.

“This is  _my spot_ ,” he growls.

“I know,” she says quickly. “Sorry.”

“You  _know_?”

“Sorry — I mean — I just — I hear you up here. I mean, I heard you. My hearing’s really good,” she explains.

He crosses his arms, as best as he can while also holding meat. Her eyes fall onto the food he’s holding, and Ayato narrows his eyes.

“No. No way. I’m not sharing. Get your own.”

She’s maturing, a little; her eyes don’t even water. But she does wring her hands.

“Please?” she tries. “Just this once? I — I tried hunting — but I — I’ve never done it, and — and my stomach really hurts, it’s hard to concentrate. Just this once. I promise I’ll share my food with you next time.”

“You never hunted for yourself even  _once_  and now there’s going to be a ’next time?’”

Her lips purse. “Okay,” she says, and sucks in a breath. “Well…if you don’t give me any, then I’ll start following you again.”

Ayato’s nose wrinkles and she straightens up a little, encouraged.

“I’ll — I’ll even hug you,” she warns. “Right in front of everyone. Wait — I mean — right in front of Eto-san. No, no, wait — I’ll hug you in front of  _Tatara-san_.”

Fucking  _hell_. Her eyes are hard. She’d really do it. Ayato huffs and his hand lashes out, pointing at a spot a couple meters away.

“Sit,” he orders, and she scrambles. He turns his back on her, and hangs his legs over the edge of the roof, and eats, slow and loud. She doesn’t say a thing throughout, and once he’s finished, he heads back down to HQ proper, leaving behind a little bit of meat on the ground for her to clean up. Just as he’s almost out of earshot, he hears her murmur, “Thank you.”

:::

“You’re joking,” Ayato says, and somehow, even without seeing it, he knows Eto is flashing him huge grin.

“I think you’ll make a perfect team,” she says, kicking her legs.

“She can’t even fight!”

“She can learn. Did you know she has two types of kagune?”

“Did you know that she’s never hunted even  _once_?”

Eto waves her hand dismissively. “Details.”

The girl clears her throat. “Maybe I can partner with him after I learn a little bit more about fighting and stuff,” she says, and Eto hops down, and takes her hands in hers.

“Hi-na-mi-chan,” she sings. “I really, completely agree. It would be very, very nice and wonderful and convenient if you could have a lot of proper practice before heading out. But this isn’t fantasy caféland anymore, okay? Besides, you’ll learn best with actual experience. I have lots of faith in you.”

“O-oh…really? Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.” Eto pats her head, and Ayato grits his teeth.

“Just don’t blame me if she doesn’t come back,” he growls, and Eto nods gaily.

“I won’t, I won’t.” She turns to the girl. “Take care of him, okay? And make sure you’re back in time to pack everything up for moving to the next HQ.”

“O-oh — yes! Of course,” she replies, and Ayato lets his breath hiss out from between his teeth and heads off.

:::

He gives her the run-down on the way.

“I know that everyone in that stupid café came to rescue that one-eyed freak when he was in trouble, but it’s different in Aogiri,” he tells her. “I’ll try and save you, or whatever, if you get into a pinch, but since you’re more likely to get in my way than to actually be of any use, you should just stay in the back and be quiet.”

“Okay. I can do that.” She perks up a little. “You know, I actually have some experience working in a team like that. In the back, I mean. When I was with Onii-chan, I used to —”

“Shut up! You’re not with your stupid Onii-chan anymore! This is Aogiri!” He stops moving and she runs into his back. He straightens her up and glares into her eyes. “Things are different. All you need to do is stay out of my way. If you get hurt and can’t drag your own ass back to HQ, there’s nothing I can do about it. Got it?”

She swallows. “That doesn’t seem like a good way to help keep everyone alive,” she says, and Ayato has to stop his eyes from rolling.

“We’re not interested in helping weaklings stay alive.  _Especially_  if they don’t follow orders,” Ayato tells her. “So. Tell me. What’s your order?”

Her gaze drops. “‘Stay out of your way.’”

“Good.”

:::

It’s supposed to be a simple mission — the kind even the lowest-rank ghoul could do. It’s intentional, probably, on Eto’s part — a good first mission for the new stray dog they’ve picked up. A simple rendezvous and checkup with one of the members they have posted near the house of some Dove official.

Some blocks back, Ayato puts on his mask and gestures for her to wait, and after all his repetitions, he’s sure that she’ll obey. So, when he hears her running, hears the unmistakable flap of her cape coming up behind him, his mouth is already open in a shout.

“What the fuck are you —”

_“Doves!_ ” she shrieks. “ _Behind you!”_

:::

He hears a crack. A quinque, he realizes. The crack of a quinque.

No, he realizes, sometime later. Not a quinque. His own skull.

He…is on the ground. Something hot gushing across his face. Asphalt crammed against his teeth. His arms move stiffly and scrape across the pavement. He tries to sit up but realizes that he’s pinned down by something going straight through his belly.

The girl is screaming.

:::

He hears two cracks.

The screaming stops.

:::

Every day. He was always afraid that every day would be their last.

So, even now, it’s fine. In some ways, it’s even a relief. This is the only thing he was ever afraid of.

Now that it’s happened.

He has nothing to worry about.

:::

_“A…to…?”_

:::

No…no. There’s still one last regret. And still some seconds left, it seems, to try and ameliorate it.

_Sorry,_  he manages, and Aneki says,  _“S-sorry? Why?”_

_Aneki. I’m s-sorry. That I…couldn’t…_

_”It’s okay,”_  Aneki says.  _“It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.”_

His body is made up of fire, not flesh. Even his eyes are beginning to burn.

_Go,_  he thinks, and Aneki says,  _“No. I’m not going to leave you. Stand. Ayato-kun, stand up!”_

:::

She always used to carry him like this.

:::

Everyone is swirling around in a heat, in a haze, in a tide. In suffocating and poisonous molasses.

_“Hang in there,_ ” Aneki is saying.

“ _Oh,”_  Eto is saying. “ _That’s too bad.”_

_“Unfortunate_ ,” Tatara is saying.

_“Does it have to be today? Can’t we move tomorrow?”_

_“Hinami-chan,”_ Eto is saying.

:::

_“We don’t wait for the weak.”_

:::

Everything is so hot. And his stomach — his stomach  _hurts_. An agony worse than starving. It feels like his whole body is yawning open. He wants to sleep. Why do they keep moving?

_I want to sleep_.

“ _Sorry. I’m sorry. You can’t sleep yet, we’re already really far behind, we need to catch up. So — so hang in there, okay? You’re doing really good. Keep walking. Keep walking. You can make it.”_

His stomach. His  _stomach_.

_Onee-chan. I’m. Really…hungry_.

“… _okay. Okay. If you keep walking, I promise, I’ll get you food.”_

:::

He crashes. Spine banging on solid ground. Breath hissing. Cheeks moist.

_“Tasty_ ,” someone says.

_“Fresh rabbit.”_

And then.

A low voice.

_“Stay away from him. Stay — the f-fuck away from him. Or — or you’ll regret it. Really.”_

_“Hahaha, scary.”_

_“Terrifying!”_

And then.

Two cracks.

:::

And then.

A lovely scent.

_“Ayato-kun. Ayato-kun? Wake up. Open your mouth.”_

He doesn’t, until he smells it: a tenderness and sweetness. That fills him up. And fills him in.

:::

The burning fades to warmth. His exhales don’t sound ragged anymore, but he still feels like there something heavy sitting on his chest. There’s the sound of splashing water, and as a shadow nears it gasps.

“You’re awake!”

He opens his mouth and winces when the corners of it split open and sting. The girl starts.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t say anything. Just keep resting.”

She arranges a damp towel carefully on his forehead, and after a second rests her hand on it, and combs his hair back.

“Rest,” she says, and he does.

:::

The next day, he can sit up, despite her protests.

“Patrols,” Ayato croaks, and she shakes her head and sets her hands on his shoulders and pushes him back down with ridiculous ease.

“It’s okay,” she tells him. “I’ve been doing them for you.”

He stares at the ceiling. She shifts her weight from side to side and then leans toward him and pokes his arm.

“Is there anything else I can get you?”

He looks away from her.

“Okay. I’ll see you after the patrol, then, alright?”

He doesn’t answer. She nods anyway, and stands, and is almost at the door when his voice calls out. It’s weak. He forces the words out anyway.

“Hina,” he says, very quietly. “Thanks.”


	4. Bullrush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinami is interrogated by Sasaki Haise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for ayahina week day 3! i wrote this for the "family" prompt.
> 
> hope you’re having a good day~

The lights are never off. She buries her head the best she can under her pillow, but the mattress, though pristine, is so lumpy it’s like sleeping on a pile of rocks. It takes her forever to get to sleep and it seems like she only just manages it for a second when she hears a tap on the glass.

“Fueguchi-san,” calls a familiar voice. “Excuse me for disturbing you.”

Hinami sits up, slow. Despite everything, she can’t help a little rush of delight. Someone is here.  _He_  is here. She swings her legs over the bed and lets her smile show through, softly, as she sits in the chair in front of the window to her cell.

“Good evening, Fueguchi-san,” he says.

So it’s evening. Hinami bows her head. “Good evening, Onii-chan.”

He winces, a little, and Hinami smiles calmly. He always winces.

But — oh, here’s something different. He peers over her, scanning her cell, and then looks to his own left and right. Checking for observers? Passerby? Hinami leans forward curiously as he reaches into his bag, and then straightens as he withdraws something from it. He slips it into the box at the bottom of the cell window and slides it toward her.

It’s a book.

It is, she realizes, the first book that Onii-chan ever recommended to her, back then.

“I thought you might like it. You can use it to help pass the time,” Sasaki says, and Hinami swallows down the knot in her throat.

“Is there going to be a lot of time?” she asks. She tries to sound lighthearted, but Sasaki’s gaze drops down. He rummages about for too long in his bag before pulling out a notepad and pen.

His handwriting is just as clean as Onii-chan’s.

FUEGUCHI/YOTSUME. 26 DECEMBER—

“Christmas has already passed?” Hinami gasps, and Sasaki stops writing.

“Yes,” he answers, finally, completing the heading. “It has.”

Her pulse picks up. It’s been a while, then, that she’s been in here — much longer than she thought. She was supposed to spend Christmas with Ayato. They had found a scraggly little tree in a lot and were going to uproot it and put it in a nice pot and decorate it with popcorn and those pretty spirally candy hooks.

_“Of course I’ll decorate it with you. It’s not like that corn shit or whatever is useful for anything else,”_  Ayato had scoffed.

Did he decorate it on his own? Or did he not bother at all, without her?

She isn’t sure which she prefers.

Really, just as long as — just as long as he’s okay — just as long as he made it out, just as long as someone is around to make sure he doesn’t do something stupid, like, try — and find her — just as long as he is safe. She can endure this. This is nothing.

But if — if, somehow, Ayato already tried to find her — he’s so rash, sometimes he doesn’t think. What if sometime in this muddle of days, Ayato tried to break in? What if he’s already —

Oh — oh — Sasaki is staring — has he been talking to her?

“Fueguchi-san,” Sasaki calls, and Hinami straightens and makes herself take a breath.

_Don’t,_  she tells herself. He always leaves if she starts to cry.  _Don’t. Don’t. Remain calm._

“Are you alright?”

_No._

“Yes.”

“Then,” he says, “let’s begin.”

:::

She has been complacent, compliant. There are a lot of things she wants to tell him about.

Like, how much Ayato has changed since way back when. He is so much calmer now. He can carry her easily. She’s aware that when she started they were both much younger and smaller than they are now, but now his body is so encompassing.

She and Ayato keep everything hidden from Aogiri, so now, with Onii-chan, she wants to gush and gush about everything. About how much she’s improved beneath his training, about how many times they have saved each other during fights.

_When I lost you and Onee-chan and everyone else,_  Hinami wants to say,  _I didn’t think I could have anything like a family again. But — Ayato — gives me that same feeling as before. Like everything is fine. Like everything will be okay._

Even when everything is ruined.

:::

There are a lot of things she wants to tell him about, but as time passes, not a single word about Rabbit ever slips past her mouth.

:::

She is sure there is always someone watching, but every once in a while she drags the bottom of her shirt up over her shoulders and tries to get a good look at her back in the reflection of the cell window.

Soon, every kiss mark he left fades, and she stops looking.

:::

The books are a blessing. She reads whatever Sasaki gives her, hungrily, trying to savor them slowly and failing every time. She goes through them over and over. When she is not reading, she spends her time curled up into a corner of the bed, eyes shut hard, just trying to ignore the gross fuzzy feeling that RC suppressants leave across her body. She just tries to think.

What month is it now? How many things has she missed? It feels like just yesterday she was anticipating seeing the cherry blossoms with him, and smelling the white roses of her favorite base. They were almost done reading  _The Old Man and the Sea_. She hadn’t even read it herself yet. Did he finish it on his own? Does he know the ending? Or, did he stop reading it? Is he waiting so they can finish it together like they planned?

She clutches her blankets. They are so cold, compared to how warm he felt when he wrapped himself around her. And then there’s the way goosebumps followed whenever she dragged her nails down his back. And the particular groan he made when she pulled his hair, the one that could make her whole spine tremble.

:::

There is one thing that she wants to say, and every time Sasaki comes to the window, she swallows down the words and shifts uncomfortably as they roil in her belly. She doesn’t want to give him any hint of Rabbit, anything that could make it easier for Ayato to be captured.

But.

Onii-chan is her family too.

“I need to tell you something,” she announces, before she can stop herself, and Onii-chan looks up in surprise. He positions his pen.

“I’m listening,” he says.

_Don’t,_  she tells herself.  _Don’t cry._

“Onii-chan, if you make me into your next quinque, promise me that you won’t fight Rabbit.”

Her voice is steady.

He straightens, puts his pen down.

“That’s…um. The circumstances…I mean…”

“Don’t do it,” Hinami tells him. If only this glass weren’t here — she would grab him — by his face, by the lapels of his Dove’s uniform. As it is, all she can do is stand, and put her face up against the window.

“Sit down,” he tells her, “calm down,” but Hinami shakes her head, furiously.

“Please listen to me. This is a real warning. If — if you fight Rabbit —” Oh no, her tears are coming through after all. But they aren’t ones of sorrow.

“If you fight Rabbit, I’ll fight  _you_. I know I will, somehow, I’ll do my best. If you fight them, I’ll fall apart in your hands, I’ll crash down on you, I’ll rip you into pieces.

“So please don’t,” she says, pressing her hand against the glass. “I really don’t want to hurt either of you. Please listen to me.”

His expression is torn.

“Please,” she says. “ _Onii-chan._ ”

Sasaki swallows and stands.

“Thanks for your work today, Fueguchi-san,” he says, packing away his notepad. “I’ll drop by again soon.”

He doesn’t look at her as he slides another book through into her cell, and Hinami can’t even call out a goodbye. She waits until he is out of sight before reaching for the book, and then she carries it to her bed, and sits down heavily, and opens it. After reading the first line, she closes it, and sets it aside.

:::

_He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish._


End file.
